You know when you have a choice? and one of the choices you know you will reget if you do it, but you do it anyway? then you feel guilty for going behind people's backs so you tell them that you did it. and what happens if that person is your absolute best friend. ever. and you will literally die if you lost him/her. then you are scared. afraid that they will never trust you, or speak to you again. so that fear sort of takes over you. engulfs you. you even almost cry... or do cry. and its hard to look the person straight in the eye. its even hard to be around them. just cause you are afraid that they hate you. but turns out in the end they really don't care that you did that. they really don't mind. cause you told them. and they heard it from you. if they had heard it from someone else they would be mad. but they didn't. you told them. so they really aren't mad. so now you feel so stupid. stupid for making such a big deal. stupid for being scared. stupid for not forgiving yourself. stupid for having an amazing friend that you don't deserve :) and stupid for just choosing what you chose. then cause you feel stupid its still hard to look the person in the eye. its still hard to talk to them. its still hard to even be near them. and then your friendship changes. from something wonderful and life giving. to something cold. something broken. not what it is supposed to be....